When I saw your face, when I saw that smile, I felt my heart sink to my stomach and my eyes stings. I’m amazed really. I didn’t think the sight of someone could cause that in me. It surprises me, the effect you have on me. It frustrates me not being able to be in control of myself with you. I try to avoid all that by distracting myself with my daily life, but my plans only go so far and still, I’m faced with reality when I’m in bed alone with not a single word from you.
I never wanted to hurt you and I didn’t want to hurt myself, at least I achieved one of those things. The thought that I didn’t hurt you brings me dear joy, but deep down, it’s horrible to know that you didn’t care enough to be hurt by me.
I guess that’s just our dark side. Sometimes we like knowing we hurt someone, only then are we certain they cared.